Joe's famous meatloaf

On the subject of eating, I decided one day to really give my taste buds a special surprise by making my famous meatloaf.  I honestly did come up with the recipe myself as a way to prepare ground venison.

My next door neighbor down in Du Quoin, IL, Jeff, was more of a hunter than a consumer of fine southern Illinois white tail deer.  About two weeks before each deer hunting season, he would come over with a couple of Walmart bags full of last years frozen deer.  There would be tenderloins and steaks, and usually about ten pounds of ground venison.  Venison is a very lean meat that, when prepared properly, has an amazing taste.  The tenderloins and steaks are to die for, but the ground meat is a different story.

The problem is the lack of fat that won't allow ground venison to hold together in the shape of a burger.  It falls apart on the grill unless you mix it with a more fatty meat like pork.

So, here I am with ten pounds of ground venison, trying to come up with an idea to use it.  I don't want any of you to think that I am some kind of culinary genius, but I am going to lay on you the second of the only two recipes that I ever came up with.  The first being my breakfast bowl.

The beauty of it is that you can use a lean ground beef in place of the venison, which is what I did a couple weeks ago to satisfy my craving for something I could actually taste.  Let's get started...

List of ingredients for the meatloaf:

1 lbs. of lean ground beef (or venison, which is even better)

1 lbs. of Jimmy Dean Hot Sausage

1 box of Stove Top "Savory Herb" Stuffing mix

1 egg

1 cup of water

1 medium sized onion, finely chopped

1/2 a bulb of garlic, finely chopped (I like a lot of garlic.  If this is too much for you, use less)

1 pound of bacon

List of ingredients for the garlic/mushroom cream sauce:

The other half bulb of garlic (Again, if this is too much for your taste, use less.)

1 pound of mushrooms, sliced.

1 stick of butter

1 pint of heavy whipping cream

Pre-heat the oven to 375 deg.

Line a 9X9 baking pan with the bacon, with the ends touching down the center of the pan, and the excess hanging outside the pan. 

In a large mixing bowl, combine the ground beef (or venison!), sausage, onions, garlic, stuffing mix, the egg, and the water.  Mix together by hand until thoroughly combined.

Shape the meatloaf into a 9 inch long, 6 inch wide, and 4 inch tall blob of deliciousness.  Put this in the pan on top of the bacon ends.  Criss cross the outer bacon ends over the top of the meatloaf so that the meatloaf is surrounded by bacon.  This will help keep the moisture in, to ensure that the meatloaf stays moist.

Place in the pre-heated oven for about 1 hour and 45 minutes, or until the internal temperature reaches 160 deg.

In the last 30 minutes, place a stick of butter, the remaining garlic, the sliced mushrooms, in a large pan.  Cook until the mushrooms are reduced.  Add the heavy whipping cream and bring to a boil.  Reduce the heat but keep it boiling - this will allow it to thicken up.  Stir frequently. This usually takes about 25 minutes.

Remove the meatloaf and slice.  Smother with the garlic mushroom sauce and enjoy.  It is a flavor explosion, especially for someone that hasn't tasted anything for a while.  

Two quick notes; (1) the garlic mushroom sauce is great on anything. Give it a try.  (2) If any of my Northwoods friends have a freezer full of frozen venison that they want to get rid of, send it my way.  I'm more of an eater than a hunter.

Tasting is about back to normal.  Chewing is adequate, with the right side doing all of the work.  Swallowing, is a different story.  Along with the loss of my voice about three weeks ago, the dry mouth/throat is now effecting my swallowing.  I can chew it up as fine as possible and swallow, but it gets stuck in my throat just below my trachea.  At least this is good in that I can still breath.

I try and try and try to get it to go down, but it is stuck.  The only remedy is to wash it down with water.

I go through 24 - 36 ounces of water in every meal.  Water is good for the kidneys, and Lord knows my kidneys can use all the help they can get with all of the meds I'm on.  The down side - I am having to get up three or four times a night to relive myself.  So much for sleeping through the night.

I'm slowly finding my new normal.  If I can get past all of the side effects, I think it will be smooth sailing.   

Medical Oncology apppointment

There doesn't seem to be enough time to sit down and update the blog.  Everyday, I plan to set aside some time, then life gets in the way and another page is turned on the calendar.  So, I find myself trying to cram as much into one blog as I can, without rambling endlessly, and boring you all as close to death as possible.

This week was my visit to the Medical Oncologist up here in Minocqua - Dr. Yasar.  I'm a little upset that Northwestern had not yet forwarded a copy of the latest MRI they did last month.  Dr. Yasar had the radiology report that she was able to review, and found the results better than she had expected.  

I had a handful of questions to lay on Dr. Yasar:

(1) Does she think chemo is necessary at this point in the treatment?  No.  There would be no benefits to putting me through chemo at this point.  

(2) Does she think that the proton radiation therapy was sufficient for my type of cancer?  At this point, it is hard to tell.  Cancer cells are still dying due to the proton radiation treatment.  I have another MRI scheduled for September, that will give us a better idea of what to expect for the future.

(3) Will this dry mouth/throat ever clear up?  Yes, it will.  It typically takes six months to a year for the side effects to wear off after treatment has stopped.

(4) Will the sore in my mouth ever completely heal?  It will.  How long until?  We just don't know.

(5) How is it that whenever I drink something, it comes out my left ear?  (I have a tube in my left ear because my Eustachian tube is closed.  If I drink something sweet like Coke or Sweet Tea, I literally get sugar crystals in my ear.  I know this sounds really weird, but it is true.)  She referred me to an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist. 

(6) Will my nerves ever repair themselves and make me normal again?  Most likely not.  Nerves can repair themselves, but they do not regenerate.  The extent of nerve damage/destruction is so significant that it would give me false hope to think otherwise.

OK, well my take away is that I won't be doing chemo, which is a huge plus for me!  This dry mouth/throat thing, along with the sore in my mouth, will eventually clear up.  Also another win!  

The down side is that the nerves may never heal.  That's not the worst thing in the world.  If I end up with no feeling in the left side of my head, deaf in my left ear, and a useless left eye, I can live with that.  So, I bite the inside of my left cheek every time I eat - I can't feel it anyway!  

Seriously, in the seven weeks I was down at the Northwestern Chicago Proton Center, I met a lot of cancer patients.  Some of these people were in a lot worse shape than me.  The guy in treatment #4 that I wrote about, didn't make it.  They managed to keep mine under control, so that it was never life threatening.  I suppose it could have taken a left turn at any moment, and became life threatening, but it didn't.  For that I will always be grateful.

There are four stages of cancer that every patient looks optimistically towards.  The first is treatment.  Whatever the flavor might be for each individuals treatment, it is the hard part.  It might be surgery, or chemo, or radiation, or any combination of them all.  This is the hard part.  Some see it as a badge of honor, others see it as something that they need to get through to achieve the desired outcome.  No matter how you look at it, it is never easy.

The second stage is recovery.  It is the, sometimes aggravating, patience strangling, fear of the unknown, step that keeps us up at night - wondering how many more tomorrows we have left.  This is where I find myself, now.

Third is remission.  This is a time to celebrate!  The cancer has been eradicated.  There is no sign of cancer anywhere.  You are safe, at least for the moment.  Will it come back?  Am I truly free?  Only time will tell.

The fourth is cure.  Enough time has passed that the doctors are certain that the cancer is gone - never to return again.  It almost seems anticlimactic.  You have been through so much.  The sickness that comes with chemo.  The burns that come with radiation.  The risk and healing that comes with surgery.  The waiting to find out what comes next.  The fears that the treatment was enough.  And, the doubts that, even though the doctors give you their 100% assurance that it is over, you still wonder if it truly is.

Cancer is the unwelcome intruder.  It would almost be better if cancer were as quick as a gunshot.  Bang, you're dead.  No time to think, no time to react.  But, it doesn't work that way.  Cancer is the master of torture.  Both physically and mentally - it makes you feel every moment.  It gives you hope in one moment, then strips it away as quickly as it came.  All there is to do is to not let it master us.  Stay ahead of it, keep a positive attitude throughout the whole process.  It is not easy to do, but will make all of the difference in the end - no matter the outcome.

So, I wait.  Still choosing to wake up every morning with a smile on my face, and the anticipation of seeing what the day will bring.  There is still so much to do.  I don't have time to sit around and mope.  He is not done with me yet.

Breakfast with the guys

I had breakfast Tuesday morning with Smokey and Jeff - good friends and members of our trap shooting team, Christian brothers, and two of the most solid men I've ever known.  I haven't seen them since before treatment.  It was a long time coming.

Jeff presented me with a trophy that was inscribed, "Most improved shooter".  As it turns out, of all the participants in our Tuesday Trap Shooting League, I improved the most over the course of the last season.  I wasn't able to accept it on my own, so Jeff grabbed it for me.

Now before you get too excited about this honor, what it really means is that I was the worst shooter the year before.  It was my first year and I had a lot to learn.  For those of you that might not be familiar with trap shooting, here's a quick lesson...

In each round, you attempt to shoot 25 targets - which are bright orange clay disks that are launched from a single "house" or trap.  There are five positions in a semi-circle, where you attempt to shoot five targets before moving on to the next position.  The targets can be launched in any direction from the house - left, right, center, high, low - you never know where they will go.

In the course of the season, we attempt to shoot 600 targets.

OK, on my very first round, I shot a zero.  I didn't hit any of the 25 targets.  My second round, I shot a one.  So, the bottom line is that I could only improve from there.  I finished my first season with a total of 307/600.  I finished the second season with 418/600 - an improvement of 111.  I graciously accept this honor.

I really do enjoy the sport, and especially the comradery of being on a team with a bunch of great guys.  I miss being able to shoot this year.  I look forward to next year.

It was great being able to catch up with the guys, and more so, being able to enjoy a good meal with them.  Eating is once again something to look forward to.  I'm still not 100%, but close enough.

Unfortunately, my dry mouth has made it to my vocal chords, and I have lost my voice.  Hopefully, it will clear up in a few days and I'll be back to my old self again.  I did more listening to Smokey and Jeff, than talking.

Two years ago, I had built a really cool screen porch for Bill & Dianne.  They are friends of Smokey and his wife Kathy.  During our breakfast conversation, Smokey mentioned that Bill & Dianne were looking for someone to replace some windows at their place, and wondered if I would be interested.  

Windows are a project that I can handle, so we headed over to check out the project after breakfast.  I couldn't stay to take measurements, since I had my eye doctor appointment that morning, but I will get back over there to measure and get the windows on order.

Next stop Tuesday morning was the eye doctor appointment.  A couple of weeks ago, she found a laceration on my left cornea.  I was given eye drops to clear it up.  Part of the nerve damage that resulted from the cancer is a lack of feeling on the entire left side of my face.  This includes my eyeball itself.  She figured that the laceration may have happened while I was sleeping - I rubbed my eye against the pillow, or maybe my hand.  

The laceration has heeled, and my sight is getting better.  I had mentioned to Dr. Julie (eye doctor) that Dr. Akthar (Proton Radiation Oncologist) felt that the left eye may have been effected by the radiation resulting in the cloudy fluid in my eye.  This should clear itself up in time as the eye heals.  As a little aside note, I have to thank God that I have no feeling in my left eye.  If it is actually radiation burned like my throat and the skin on my neck, I can't imagine how painful it would be on my eyeball.  Thank you for that.

Dr. Julie insists on me using an eye moisturizer, since she feels that my left eye is unusually dry.  This didn't surprise me at all since everything else is also dry - my mouth, my sinuses, and my throat.  The brand she recommended has the consistency of Vaseline, which of course, makes a gooey film over my eye, making it impossible to see through.  So, I'm back to not seeing with my left eye.

No one knows if or when my neuro deficits will begin to repair themselves.  It could be a year or more before I notice any change, or it may not happen at all.  I need to consider that this is the best it might ever be, and begin to plan my future accordingly.