All my eggs in one basket

I spoke with my good friends, Tony and Cindy, the other day.  They called me, which was a pleasant surprise.  Tony is a cancer survivor, and Cindy is still battling through hers.  Their words of wisdom, advice and love were just what I needed.

Tony is a "plant based diet" promoter, swearing that it is the reason for his success in fighting and beating cancer.  I get it.  I believe it.  But, dang, that is a stretch for me.  As a first step compromise, I am going to eat raw vegetables for lunch.  Maybe I can ease into it slowly.  

The truth is that this crazy cancer, that I have, has effected the nerves on the entire left side of my face. These include the nerves that control my left chewing muscles, left side of my mouth facial muscles, left side of my tongue, and half of my taste buds.  If I try to chew anything that is the least bit crunchy, I inadvertently bite the inside of my left cheek or the left side of my tongue.  That, in and of itself is not so much a problem, since I can't feel either anyway, it is the blood that runs out the left side of my mouth that causes my dinner guests to gasp and gesture that I wipe my mouth.  I'm good with avocados, and raw spinach, but nuts, celery, carrots and sweet potatoes are out of the question.

The bottom line is that eating is no longer something to look forward to, instead, something to dread.  Couple that with the lack of taste, and you end up with most everything tasting like cardboard.  Soup has been my staple of choice.  Kathie made a pot of chicken noodle soup, which featured lots of garlic, onions, celery, carrots and chicken.  When it was all said and done, all I could taste was the chicken and oregano.  Oh well, I can stand to lose about 25 lbs.

It was Tony's other bit of advice that really hit home.  The reality is that cancer is an unpredictable foe.  It makes it's own rules, and changes them at will.  It is bent on killing me, and will stop at nothing to see it through.  

Tony's advice - make peace with death.  In other words, take death out of the equation.  The most important thing that I can do is to stay positive, and keep fighting.  

The best analogy that I can come up with would be to picture the Kansas City Chiefs and Tampa Bay Buccaneers playing in the Super Bowl.  The only thing is that the stadium is completely surrounded by flood water, all the way to the upper deck.  Any minute, the flood waters could let loose and flood the entire stadium where they are playing.  They have a choice - they can worry about the flood waters and let that fear effect the way they play, or they can make peace with the pending danger and concentrate on playing the game.  

As a Christian, death no longer holds any power over me.  

Yesterday, I had my CT scans done in place of the PET scan.  Instead of doing one head to toe PET scan, they did three individual scans - knee to pelvis, pelvis to neck, and neck and head.  They used the same contrast and got the same results.  Maybe the PET scan was more expensive than the three CT scans.  Insurance companies, UGH!

The scans were sent off to Mayo Clinic for review.  I sure hope that I hear something soon.

Today, I met with Dr. Schreiber for a follow up of the biopsy surgery.  The surgical site, in my upper left sinus, has healed nicely.  It took longer for the pain in my nostril to heal.  He laughed and said that I would have been shocked to see how many instruments he had shoved up there at one time.  I wish he would have taken a picture!

I've been having a problem with my left ear since this all started.  The new scans showed more clearly the tumor that is causing the pain in my left ear.  I've also had liquid trapped in my left middle ear that has been driving me crazy.  Dr. Schreiber explained that there are muscles that open the eustachian tube that relieve the pressure and allow the liquid to drain.  These muscles are also atrophied by the nerve damage.  The remedy, good old fashion ear tubes, which he inserted in my left ear.  The ear tube will help with the pressure and liquid, but the nerve pain is cancer related. 

I emailed Dr. Schreiber a week ago, asking if there would be a plan B, in the event of Mayo deciding that I was not a good candidate for their proton therapy.  Plan B would mean Dr. Schreiber removing some of the tumors surgically.  One of the things that I have asked all of the doctors from the beginning is that they be straight with me and tell me the truth.  Dr. Schreiber studied the previous and new scans and determined that none of the tumors could be removed surgically.  Proton beam therapy is my only hope.

This means the proverbial, "Putting all my eggs in one basket".  None of the options that are available are good options.  They will remain on the back burner until they have to be considered.  Let's hope, and pray, that day doesn't come.